I Hate My Job.

Was surfing around and I found this.

Ten Things to Do When You Really, Really Hate Your Job

By Cathy Goodwin, Ph.D.

1. Begin focusing on what you want instead of how much you want to escape. When you find yourself sharing the latest horror story, stop in mid-sentence and say, "What I want to have is..."

2. Create an image that describes you in your job. Are you on a riverbank with no way to get to the other side? Lost in a jungle? Poking through a thorny hedge? When you get comfortable with the image, begin visualizing a change in the obstacle. Imagine building a bridge across the river or finding a path in the forest. Don't force the image or the change. When you're ready it will come.

3. Think of developing skills, not serving time. Take every course that's offered and focus on skills that can lay a foundation for your own business or next job. Can you learn HTML or PowerPoint? Can you use some evenings, weekends and lunch hours to solicit some free lance gigs?

4. Focus on satisfactory, not superior performance. Use the time difference to build your new life. People often say, "I can't do anything -- I work ten hours a day!"

If you are firing yourself or expecting to be fired, your job is finding a new job. Be ethical: you owe your company the minimum you need to earn your salary." But don't be surprised if you start to accomplish more than ever and find yourself getting promoted.

5. What conflict are you escaping? Dishonesty? Corporate greed? Hypocrisy? Allow yourself to wonder if these qualities are mirrored in your own life -- or even in your mind. If everyone around you seems dishonest, are you being dishonest with yourself? With others? After you resolve your own conflict, you may find the workplace has changed or you have been catapulted into a new, more satisfying life.

6. Put on your shield and armor when you enter your workplace. Everyone should learn how to create a psychic shield. Imagine that you are surrounded by an outer shell that is made of a solid material -- so strong that nothing can get through to hurt you. Some people prefer to imagine a protective golden light, but I think the solid shield is stronger. Take two or three minutes to put on your shield, every day, before you enter the workplace.

7. Give yourself a gift every day -- a splurge of time or sensual taste buds. Read a book, talk to a friend, eat your favorite food. Don't deaden your senses with alcohol (although if you're a wine connoisseur, your special wine can be a gift) or spend big bucks at the mall. Think simple.

8. Find at least one thing in your life to appreciate: the softness of your cat's fur, the winter sky, the spontaneous hug from a friend. Appreciate as much as possible about your job: the money, the view from the window, the new computer, friendly conversations with the guy down the hall. Savor the experience. Appreciation is the engine that attracts good things into your life.

9. Tune in to your intuition before deciding what to do next. Meditate and listen to the world around you. The saying "frying pan into the fire" is real. If your goals and desires do not come from a secure place within yourself, you will find yourself paying undue attention to wet blankets ("If you quit you'll never get another job") and false friends ("Just quit! Move to Tahiti! You won't starve!"). Sometimes the same "advisor" proposes both ideas in the same week. A good coach or counselor will give you confidence in your own intuition, not impose their views of what you should do now.

10. Write this down somewhere: After you've left -- and you will -- all that time will seem to have gone in the blink of an eye. You will have trouble remembering what bothered you so much. The rest of your life will still be ahead of you.

What a blow to my ego!

So, I worked on V-day and Chinese New Year.

Last week, 'Boss' was finding for people to work for him on Sunday. Going around asking, being sarcastic as usual. Lol, bastard told me

Boss :' Eh, Cynthia.... you must work on Sunday ah. I Know you got no one to celebrate it with. No boyfriend all, so you must come work on sunday.'
Me : Hahaha...okay lah boss, whatever la.

So everyday he'll be like :

Boss : Cynthia you dun fuck me up and not come ah..... You got nothing better to do, u better come.

or

Bahlul, you make sure I see you on sunday, I really need your help.

So the day comes, we anticipating total chaos for the high occupancy during the start of the CNY break. Wasn't totally bad as what boss expected lar. Thank god. Cause im suppose to talk to guest and all those crap.

So, anyway... this isnt the whole point of the story that I wanted to tell. I tend to go in circles cause im horrible like that.

So, the reason I was ASKED to come to work was to take pictures of all the 'loving' couples who has reserved dinner for themselves.. Kinda like a complimentary thing la. Picture, print, give. My job was the printing part.

So, with all the hard work of working 12 hours a day on a sunday and on V-day n CNY, my boss is thankful and he belanja-ed us makan. :)

But the sad thing is, at night my colleague bailed on me and I had to eat by myself. At the bar. Alone. On a V-day night. Basket ball lar. I know im not a romantic, all - lovey dovey kinda person to love to celebrate all this commercialised shit, but I would not like how they all would look at me. Yes, I see that pity-ful look they all give me. Its sad really. Ugh.

Well at least some colleagues who was working at the restaurant managed to layan me a bit even with the crowd. I also think they kasian me.

Sigh.

Not in that happy place!

Its just very simple.

Im not happy here. Cannot deny that my boss kinda likes me, but psycho him might just fire me if I ever do anything wrong. Just as what happened last month. 3 months ago. 6 months ago.

Shit! I can see a picture now. He might just fire someone in 3 months time. Hope its not me. Stress man work with this boss, where you have to follow his moods and whims. But cannot deny that I respect him in a very different way. He makes sense and very straight forward. Clever even. Buuuut, attitude like fuck. ego. insulting also.

oklar i go.

Ah, a new Post!

Well helloow, dear blogspot dwellers. how art thou?

Have I told thine, that thy friend hast started working? Behold! That there is too much for the mouth to say, for the fingers to type and for the brain to master.

As I leave thee with this, a simple expression of what goes through this simple mind of a simple distressed damsel. Oh, it feels like a giant hast steppeth upon me! It is not possible, no, it is not! But, to sow and to feed thine material wealth is why we all suffer. yes, we do.

That is why, thou hast to suffer, thy friends madness.

Please disregard previous blog entry. I am bored no more. In fact, I practically dont have time for myself. LOL. I know, me and my freakin tempremental mood swings.

I hate being bored...No, I think being bored is the best thing in the world. I wish I was bored. Why didn't i appriciate being free?~ FUCK! make up your damn mind woman!


I've got more to say, but apparently my blogs has been dry of visits. So not much good it would be for me to write an essay of what happens in my life and not have anyone read it or say anything.

There is so many things I wish to say, but I feel its better if I kept it to myself for the many reason that only I would know and be paranoid about. Not that it matters much.

I do realise i sound depressed. But I'm not. Really. Just stating the facts.

Im boored, dear God...please help.

Someone, please come to malacca to entertain me...please...please...PLEASE!

Shoeeeess!

Been checking this online botique. www.modcloth.com

Damn nice stuff. All retro and it looks damn quirky. I like.




















AAAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!!

Sometimes I wish I had enough money to afford them shoes! I think I'd be even more stylish that those rich *insert whatever you wish* girls.

Why? I've been looking at these shoes and I wish I had them..... Check them out.

hello people.

just dropping by my half dead blog to say "HI, I'm alive!"

Too many things happening in my life right now, i'd say it feels like a rollercoaster but it sounds too cliche. And I am not exactly a fan of baring my soul for the world to see.... Except for those really embarassing moments when someone actually manages to get something out of me. damn you!

So anyway, I'm heading off to Pangkor for a LONG needed holiday on the 11th. Don't miss me..... On second thoughts, its not like yall did anyway...:( dun fwen u all.

Oh, im back to job hunting again. Do pray for me. thanks.

Like them Migrating Birds

I have this sudden need to get out of this place. Away from Malaysia. The feelings pretty bad, so bad that I feel like I'm hyperventilating. No, I'm like over dramatizing what I'm feeling. Hearts beating pretty hard, palms-a-sweating and I'm feeling its kinda hard to breathe. Thats what hyperventilating is, right?

I have no idea why, though.

Can anyone help me... please.

-------------------------------------------------
You know...I love all of gods creation and the metaphors it inspires,
but those butterflies has got to be murdered!
Blair Waldorf

----------------------------------------

I know... I know, it took me long enough to update this blog aand to watch Gossip Girl. (Yes, that quote is from GG) Owh come on, like you don't know how much procrastinating defines me. Heh!



I'm only a few episodes shy from the end of the season and I have a few thoughts on the TV series itself. Like hello, damn shallow OK.

Well first things first, it mostly involves the social elite living their life. Parties, sex and money. I mean, how original can it get? Altough they do have this not so rich boy who dispises the saperation of class and the benefits of living as a social elite....Then he dates a girl from this so called class who seems to be a reformed bitch. wow. sense my sarcasm.

But you know how watching all this elites crash and burn is MY guilty pleasure. Altough its only a series.

But then again, talking about guilty pleasures. Hmm.... eye candies these actors are (I dont care for the actresses).I know in one of my earlier post on MY TOP 10 HOTTEST MEN that Chance Crawford is one of them. After watching GG and getting to know Nathaniel Archibald better I totally changed my mind. Nate seems to be like, someone with no balls. To be nice. I mean, he totally lets his parents control his life, even if HE wanted to do what thought was best for him. Even his best friend played him out. And he seems a little whiney. Yes thats it. Whiney. Even with that name they gave him. Nathaniel i can live with. Ar-chi-BALD. No. I mean who goes around throwing money while plastering THAT names on libraries or anything else for that matter. But actually he is very very handsome.

(Oh wait, Teluk Intan's old name was Teluk Anson. Named after Archibald Anson. Har Har)

Then my sights shifted to the pervy best friend, Chuck Bass. The guy who bangs anything with two legs and boobs. He's nasty, snarky, cunning and self absorbed. Whats not to like? Plus he is damn sexy altough not so hansome. Yes i totally adore Chuck Bass. Though he hunches. Maybe its a Ed Westwick thing? I dunno, but what I do know I have a number 11 on my TOP 10 Hottest Men.

Yes. No. 10 still holds his place because in ep. 11, ( i think) when he took of his shirt my mouth hung open for quite some time and all i thought was "Oh la la". And THAT makes him deserve a place in number ten. Or maybe number 5.

You know you love me.

xoxo,
Cynthia.

Me bored...again

I've been pretty depressed lately. No pin pointing where this comes from but i think it is mainly coming from me not being able to find a job and having too much time on my hand.

Btw, in my total boredom I've been colour-ing stuff on photoshop. I have many half done stuff, it is very usual for me cos i always dont finish what I start. Only a few are finished art...only a few.

Anyway, i is bored gila babi(as mentioned earlier) that i actually finished something i started 2 days ago. took me about 5 hours all together minus-ing the times i went to sleep, bathe, eat, watch tv(wow right.... so damned busywtf).

Anyway, not to confuse people again. The line-art, the one where it is 'DRAWN' by pen is done by nami86. You can see her work on her deviantart account. ---> nami86 .

She's got really good fan-art and her works make innocent couple's you see on tv look soooo 18sx. Really.

Anyway this is the line art she drew.



And this is the coloring (called digital painting but i prefer to call it colouring cos im childish like that) i did.


[thanks denise. i corrected it already]

The only thing I like about this colouring is the hair. Nice right....nice right.... Please tell me its nice or ill kill myself. (click to make it bigger, if not whats the point?)

no really.

I hate the skin. Apparently I can only make one texture of cloth. Cotton. Was hoping to make her baju look silky but apparently tak jadi. So, comment please. like, no like. whatever lar, dun worry i wont kill myself.

Oh, just to inform you guys that those two are Edward and Bella of Twilight.

Adam Lambert

Omg... he doesn't only look good in his dark eyeliner dash rocker appearance, but too look that good cleaned up and with a suit?

Last night, I had a dream that I had the ability to call rain. (Well, last night I was watching catch-up episodes of 'Heroes'. Figures.)

Funny,

how when I was younger, my whole family used to make fun of my singing. They use to say things like

"ei, don't sing....later I want to go play football"
"my clothes cannot dry-lah later??!"
"Cynthia, afterwards got thunderstom lar..dont!!"
-.-"

so, my brother decided to come up with something positive to so-called make me happy.

"If you sing in Africa, I'm sure you would be a millionaire!"

=.="

You know, sometimes i despise the lack of privacy that I have. It seems like everything I do is in need for more details. It get pretty annoying really, to the extend that I might just tell them off. You might think why not I tell them off straight forward. Here's the problem:

1) The people doing this to me are my family. Thus, need to control and not tell the whole world how plainly annoying they can be.

2) If I respond to whatever that they are trying to probe from me, they will take it the wrong way no matter what I tell them.

3) If i get angry, It's worse.

So, What the fuck am I to do????! Damn annoying I tell u. Ish.

The Bridesmaids Curse

For the second time in my life, I've been asked to be a bridesmaid. I accepted of course, being that she was one of my closest cousin growing up. But I have to warn everyone that this will be my last time accepting this honour because,

i don't want to be hit by the....

Bridesmaids Curse. Noktah.

Ever heard of the saying "Always the bridesmaid but NEVER the bride"? Not that I worry about growing old, alone and crabby, just that upping the chances of that is a turnoff. So no more bridesmaiding for anyone else. No hard feelings anyone, I know how much you all love me. :P

I super marah. Its a damn wonder I dont suffer from high blood pressure.

Im fucking 23 for goodness sake. TWENTY-THREE. GAAAAAh. DAMMIT.

Na Na Na!!

I wish that we could go back in time....

When life was so much simpler

My favourite picture of the lot.

Check out the one I highlighted. Damn. Personality Type Report for Cynthia

Your Personality Preferences

INTROVERT While you may not be anti-social, you do need (and deserve) your private time and space to retreat from the world. Unlike extroverts, you need to develop a concept of the world or some aspect of it before experiencing it. Too much socializing may sap your energies. Your energies are derived from exploring the inner world of ideas, impressions and pure thought.

INTUITIVE While you do process information through your senses you add a twist to your processing by relying on intuition and serendipity. You look for undercurrents of meaning and abstractions in what you experience physically. You do not just see things just as they are, but as what they could be. While you may rely on common sense at times, you trust inspiration far more.

PERCEIVING You like to have as much information as possible before making a decision. Putting off a final decision until the last moment does not make you uncomfortable. Indeed once a decision is made, a course plotted, you may feel a bit uneasy, because you feel bound to a certain course of action. You would much prefer to wait and see what happens. You enjoy the opportunity to improvise. Commitments are not etched in stone to you, and are changeable.

FEELING You make decisions subjectively based upon your values and what is important to you. How people will be affected by your decisions is important to you. You are likely to make decisions based upon what you feel is acceptable and agreeable rather than what is logical. Your truths are founded in your values and those of the society you live in. It is important to remember that we are discussing how you evaluate data and make decisions, and that you rely on your feelings to do so in no way implies you are overly emotional.

Your Personality Type

Introvert/Intuitive/Feeling/Perceiving You are devoted and compassionate. You have a well-developed distaste for rules, orders and schedules. You are a natural born learner and can get so absorbed in your projects that you forget those around you. You are passionate about your beliefs and love ideals. You have very high standards for yourself. You are very creative, sensitive, reserved, and introspective. You respect the values of others and expect them to respect yours. In relationships you are loyal and totally committed. You prefer a few deep relationships over a horde of acquaintances. Because you are somewhat reserved, you do best in one on one and small group situations. When you feel comfortable, you can be very entertaining and capricious. You are nurturing and supportive by nature. You greatest social challenge is to balance your need to withdraw into your inner-world with your need to keep a strong connection with those you care for. . Famous People of Your Type: Homer, Virgil, Mary, mother of Jesus, St. John, St. Luke, William Shakespeare, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, A. A. Milne, Laura Ingalls Wilder, Helen Keller, Carl Rogers, Fred Rogers, Dick Clark, Donna Reed, Jacqueline Kennedy Onasis, Neil Diamond, Tom Brokaw, James Herriot, Annie Dillard, James Taylor, Julia Roberts, Scott Bakula, John F. Kennedy, Jr. Occupations Suited to Your Type Include: Actor, architect, artist, composer, editor, translator, journalist, librarian, musician, occupational therapist, psychotherapist, educator, researcher, scientist, and writer. http://www.bored.com/typequiz/passess.htm

I don't think I am able to cope with this news. I don't think that I am able to recover from the shock of it.

I hate how some people are bent on ruining other peoples lives for some sadistic gratification of theirs.

DAMMIT. I hate being helpless.

Christmas Eve Dinner...Check
Christmas....Check
Wedding...Check
Family Football...Check
Family Potluck...Check
New Years Eve Dinner...Check

I am still shocked that the "Carvalho Clan" is still standing. But now we areball back in our homes. One would still wonder how that we are all not sprawled half dead amongst each other either in exhaustion or in their drunken stupor....Curious.

This Christmas/New Year celebration felt...different. Different in sense that it did not feel like a mechanical celebration where it was tradition for all to celebrate together. Kinda forced, looking back a few year ago. In fact, it felt that we were waiting to greet each other in celebration of togetherness and famalial love. Corny I know. But still I loved it all the same.

This Christmas held a few significance for me. This Christmas is the last Christmas that I'd be on the receiving end of presents. In this tradition, the growth into adulthood is marked by the ability to earn for yourself. And therefore, for those who dont work will be able to get the presents . Pity me, for now my work is now to find a job. Which I hope will be easy to find. But then again.... hehe

Brothers both in thier own little island and a sis who works in kl makes it hard for my family to be together. So it would be something like twice a year to be together, even that if we are lucky. So, it was also a blessed Christmas for us. (At one stage it wasn't confirmed that my bro who is working at Tioman would come.) :)

This Christmas was significant because, we were communicating as families do. Unlike a few years ago when a little small misunderstanding shook the foundations of the family.

All in all, this Christmas will be remembered as i remember the time when i was only a girl, excited and wide-eyed waiting for the stroke of midnight on Christmas Eve. This time, I remember the time we spent together, and not the amount of presents that I received.

I know its late but "Merry Christmas & A Happy New Year!"