Monday- Me die

Another assignment to pass up on Monday.

How, oh how am I going to survive the weekend.

I just realised I've been having a lot of emo post the past few weeks. How original.

More emo-ness to come. Unless if I go shopping on Sunday!! o.O
Need my retail therapy for every week okay! Hee, last week me bought one boots, one sneakers and 2 scarfs. All for under 15 Pounds :)

WHEE!

?

Somehow i wonder how much more further i can take this. I'm exhausted to the bone and utterly depressed. It seems like im always, always complaining about the same thing.

I did a 32 hour straight, of being awake. I blame myself for that. Always keeping these assignments to the last sec. But i tell you, each time I read the journals/books/articles my eyes unwilling closes and my mind drifts. It just gets frustrating. Too frustrating.

I am in fact dissapointed in myself. The goals that I have set, and the need to prove myself. The results on one of my assignment is bloody dissapointing. Actually, not one. But basically the whole damned thing.

What the hell am I doing here? Just wasting the money that my dad unwittingly lent me, hoping that i could pay him back for his retirement? Oh..Oh, the pretigious view of studying abroad huh. How am I going to do well with this kind of results and pay him back, dammit?

Random Boring Stuff.

I've got no updates to talk about.

But, yeah. That day we had a real REAL fire drill.

My flatmates just habis cooking our dinner. So yeah, we were all waiting to dig in. Pulak pulak, the fire alarm rang at about 8.45 pm. Normally the test test will happen in the morning la, when we all happily sleeping. But this time, we were confused. Lucky not from our floor. We had to go down la, see see.

The Fire Fighters came like within 5 mins. Dunno if in Malaysia, half an hour? One hour? That's if we are lucky.

Had like a small assignment to take pictures of what makes Liverpool, Liverpool.

Here are some of my talented photo taking skills.

Flower Steps

Hardman?

A sewer?

Some random tree at John Fosters

Like the flowers

The Philharmonic Hall

And last but not least. A cam Whore picture of me on a cobbled alley. :)
Me love this pic.

la di da~

Im going to get some cider tonite.~

Just to try lah.

I am posting this for no reason. Hee.

Im bored. And lazy to do assignments.

I want more time here. Altough I am starting to miss home a little.

I'm torn.

I need more retail therapy. More for shoes and boots.
Spent so much in a few days.

I wish I was better in everything.

I want Keluak curry.

I miss my friends.

I'm addicted to might of many on facebook.(accept my request if can, need more guild)

My feet still stinks.

Wait. I want a bag too.

Wish i could see the growth of Lizzie, which is too fast in this 3 months.

I don't know what to get for souviniers.

I like Big Brother's Stuart and Dale. (SSssSSSizzling hot)

I love hot chocolate.

I want more money. for shopping. Again.

I love the fashion here.

I know. Thats a lot of random thoughts.

Retail Therapy

So I’ve been having a bad week. Hmm… what can I do, to end that oh-so-bad week? OMG, some retail therapy. Woo woo. All for myself, baby.

Here’s what I bought.

A jacket. 5 pounds. Price Mark

A Denim Skirt. 3 pounds. Price Mark

A Top/ dress 15 Pound. Price Mark

2 Bikini’s Primark 7 Pounds

5 Pounds

An Earring. 1 pound Lewis’s

Im deliriously happy. :)

tired

I am tired. Yes.

No matter how many hours i spend. No matter how many books I borrow. No matter how I understand it. I.just.can't.do.it.

Assignments are a beast. No matter what I still keep being in that average results. I tried. I tried, oh-so-hard. I did. My bloody social life involves eating with my housemates in our kitchen. Oh wait, once or twice we went out to eat... whoo pee. That is what I have been doing. Assignments not socializing. BAH!

But still,

I'm always at the category of normals. Normal, Ordinary, average, typical. Nothing is ever special. I can't even get a better result even with all that. Why bother at all?

Bother...

Because, at least just for once, make your parents proud of your results. 'Yeah, study overseas can already mah!' Fuck whoever that says that. No matter where you get your results, UK, US, Ukraine, Mars where ever, the results ALWAYS matter. ALWAYS.

At least just make yourself proud. Always running through life like there is no aim. In TAR i never had like a good aim in life, except to just pass and yeah get that cert. Now at least, I know the place is different, gives a more different 'feel' to studying. Different from in TAR. And Malaysia. I've always felt singled out, different. Just because I was different. Not special.

Im not trying to contradict myself. Just that, the teachers/ leacturers had their Favourites. Not implying anything here, but gotta agree that there were always a little small itsy bitsy bit of favouritism by race. I mean, who would not want to help their race succeed, looking at how our, BELOVED country is.

*Gosh, im ALL over the place. i'm confusing myself here. I tired. I'm blaming this on that*

Anyways, it was never really fair. So i thought. Until i came here i thought... we are here as Malaysians. Not as Chinese, Indian, Malay, Eurasian or any other race. Malaysian. Maybe here, i CAN show my potential as a student. As a well versed student.

Guess I was wrong. I am not good in studies. And not being good in it, how can i prove that I am worth it?

yeesh. damn. emo dee. haih.

And i didn't expect this post to be this long.

I miss those two. ALOT. Don't comment on my ugly face. i shoot u.

Chants

The past few weeks has been like a rollercoaster ride. The feeling of unease frequently creeps up to me to demoralise and keeps me down. Will blog about this later.

Anyhow, I went to church today after missing it last week. I think since i missed it, my week was not as good as before.

Somehow i find it quite calming. The Grogorian Chants are quite calming despite it being quite creepy and scary in that big huge cathedral at first. I have grown to like it...no, more like love it. Altough it may be a language that I don't speak in, somehow creates like is warm calmness that soothes my soul.

Truly truly needed that little help in easing my little burden.

p/s : might just record that gregorian chant and upload it someday.

Who calls me stingy?

To whom it may concern,
Stingy?? Who the hell gave you the right to call me a “Stingy B*****D?”

First of all dude, you have no right to tell me to show you my plan for our assignment. I say “tell” because of the way you ask me. Not “may I see…?” but you decide to be rude to me and say “let me see.”

Yes. Its two very different things.

I DO NOT like people telling me what to do. When I tell you ‘no’, I mean ‘no’. Just like when you asked me to go to the farther library. Just like how you ask me to let you see MY assignments. Just like how you asked me for my readings.

And who the hell gave you the right to call me that. When in the past, I have been GENEROUS? Yes I have, can’t you remember?

Remember the time before flying off, we had to finish that leading log of not 1 but 5 journals? And during that time you’ve only done 2? I know, I finished mine late also but it is in my own sweat that I have finished it. In fact, I remember you asking me to send whatever I’ve finished to you. Me being me, I sent you 3 of it. Is that being stingy???

In fact, you had the cheek to tell me that you copied a few of mine, with a change of words mind you. Even if I was being that way, don’t you think I had the bloody right to do so?
By the way, don’t you think you’ve got to thank me for getting that high marks? Not that I am being a bloody show off, but you got a 2nd upper for that reading log. It WAS with ‘reference’ to mine don’t you think?

One more thing, there was once you told me that you did not bring the journals that you’ve found in Malaysia. You said that, you printed it and did not want to make your bag heavy. Then, why the HECK print at all. Don’t give me your fucking excuses please. I HATE IT.

And what have you done for me? Have I asked for anything? Yes I remember asking you for one of the reading log, but guess what, I did not use it. Printing? Oh well, that’s counted. What else?
I don’t care if you read this. Just don’t expect me to bow down to your every wish. Nobody ever tells me to do anything that I don’t want. And don’t you ever piss me off ever again.


Cynthia….