tired

I am tired. Yes.

No matter how many hours i spend. No matter how many books I borrow. No matter how I understand it. I.just.can't.do.it.

Assignments are a beast. No matter what I still keep being in that average results. I tried. I tried, oh-so-hard. I did. My bloody social life involves eating with my housemates in our kitchen. Oh wait, once or twice we went out to eat... whoo pee. That is what I have been doing. Assignments not socializing. BAH!

But still,

I'm always at the category of normals. Normal, Ordinary, average, typical. Nothing is ever special. I can't even get a better result even with all that. Why bother at all?

Bother...

Because, at least just for once, make your parents proud of your results. 'Yeah, study overseas can already mah!' Fuck whoever that says that. No matter where you get your results, UK, US, Ukraine, Mars where ever, the results ALWAYS matter. ALWAYS.

At least just make yourself proud. Always running through life like there is no aim. In TAR i never had like a good aim in life, except to just pass and yeah get that cert. Now at least, I know the place is different, gives a more different 'feel' to studying. Different from in TAR. And Malaysia. I've always felt singled out, different. Just because I was different. Not special.

Im not trying to contradict myself. Just that, the teachers/ leacturers had their Favourites. Not implying anything here, but gotta agree that there were always a little small itsy bitsy bit of favouritism by race. I mean, who would not want to help their race succeed, looking at how our, BELOVED country is.

*Gosh, im ALL over the place. i'm confusing myself here. I tired. I'm blaming this on that*

Anyways, it was never really fair. So i thought. Until i came here i thought... we are here as Malaysians. Not as Chinese, Indian, Malay, Eurasian or any other race. Malaysian. Maybe here, i CAN show my potential as a student. As a well versed student.

Guess I was wrong. I am not good in studies. And not being good in it, how can i prove that I am worth it?

yeesh. damn. emo dee. haih.

And i didn't expect this post to be this long.

I miss those two. ALOT. Don't comment on my ugly face. i shoot u.